


His Lips.

by dedleaf



Category: Connor Franta - Fandom, tronnor - Fandom, troye sivan - Fandom
Genre: ...creepy, Alternate Universe, Angst, Cheating, I wrote this before Jacob came in the picture, Inspired by Music, M/M, Smut, YouTube, i legit chose a random name, idk honestly, this is my first time posting on ao3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 20:17:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6254392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dedleaf/pseuds/dedleaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of Selena Gomez's song "Perfect"</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Lips.

_Different inflection when you say my name_

 

“Troye”, someone whispers in the night. Automatically I opened my eyes in search of the clock. 3:30AM it read. I slowly look over to where the warm body next to me was laying, only to see he is no longer laying down, but sitting up and looking at me with a surprised face. He looks almost as if he was surprised he whispered my name himself.

“Con… what are you doing up so early?” I bring myself to finally ask. I know that he doesn’t work until 5:30AM. I also know that I should expect an excuse of why he’s leaving so early. Surprisingly this wasn’t an abnormal occasion. It seemed to be a routine. Go to sleep together only to be woken up way too early by a whispering Connor who only gives an excuse. The same one over and over.

“The ER wants me early today, Tro, you know how it is.” I shouldn’t have expected anything different. But I still feel a small sinking feeling in my gut when I look up at him. I want things to go back to normal, but I also want Connor to know that I support him, especially with all the hours he’s working as a doctor.

“Yeah, of course Con” I force myself to murmur. Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting inside and my thoughts just get to carried away due to all the alone time when Connor is gone. We have just moved in together a little ago and decided together that Connor’s job was enough to pay for majority of the bills. Of course I don’t just sit around, but I instead write songs and sell them to other artists. This is something easily done at home and that’s where I mostly am. Alone in our house with only my thoughts speaking to me. That’s what I try to blame whenever I feel like something could be happening between me and Connor. I try to muffle the voices in my head and put a small smile on my face when I see Connor standing up by the bed getting dressed. “Don’t work too hard babe” I try saying with a happy tone, but sometimes my acting skills aren’t up to par, especially when it’s this early. So instead, all you could hear was the slight sadness in my tone. Connor didn’t seem to notice. Either that or Connor didn’t care.

“Thanks Troye” he says back softly, but he doesn’t say it normal. He says it like he’s guilty, or he’s obligated to do so. When I look back up at him and I can see he’s already finished getting dressed. The quiet is something I hate and with him abruptly just leaving like that, I know I should at least try to have him leave on a better note. “Love you” I say just before he’s about close the door. I can see his slight resistance in fully closing it, not before saying something back.

“I’ll see you later Troye.”

And that’s the moment I felt my heart drop further. I bite my lip and turn over in bed to look out the window. I’m trying to hold my tears back. I’m trying to tell myself to stop being such a crybaby and to get over it, but when I see the headlights on and the car finally backing out, I know he’s finally gone. And for some reason I feels like he didn’t just leave, because it feels like he was never hear since I’ve moved in with him. It feels like he’s just gone a little further than he already was.

And I wanted so badly to reach out and stop him.

 

 

_Kiss me, but your kiss don't taste the same_

_Is it real or am I going out of my mind?_

 

As soon as I see the car lights on by the window at 3:30am I get up from the couch and walk towards the door, just as it opens. Immediately I go in for a kiss, trying to stop the thoughts that have been going on in my head since he left earlier this morning. I want them to leave and the only way I can think about stopping them is for us to kiss and fuck like how we did when we were teenagers.

When I start to try to kiss deeper it finally clicks that he isn’t moving his lips back. I pull off to see a surprised look on his face. “What are you doing up so late?” he asks in an annoyed voice. “I was waiting for you to get back.” I respond. Immediately I feel all of my hope of going back to normal dropping. His tone of voice made it clear that he isn’t in the mood. That doesn’t stop me from going back in for another kiss. These thoughts need to stop. They need to stop now.

“Dammit Troye I’m not in the fucking mood, please let me just get some fucking rest in peace.” Astounded. I didn’t expect for him to raise his voice at me. But I can’t blame him when he’s been working so long. He starts walking toward our room and slams the door behind him. I know he’ll probably be back to normal in the morning. I hope it is.

I lay back on the couch, I don’t want to go in our room just in case I come off as clingy and he bursts again. For some reason I kind of want the quiet. I would rather have quiet then to hear the one I love yelling at me. So I turn off the tv and lay down only listening to my thoughts. I slowly lick my lips, trying to imagine the taste of the beautiful angry boys lips and feel of them. But all my thoughts kept thinking about was how not only his lips made no movement back, but his lips didn’t taste the same.

I can’t stop thinking about how things used to be when we were in freshmen in High school. High school sweethearts some might say. I think about the day I finally told my parents that I was in love and it was with a boy. “You’re too young to be in love” is all I got back in response. But I knew when it came to this beautiful boy, there was no certain time to fall for him.

Our love was so deep and passionate, but somehow things have gotten so cold and isolated. The silence in the living room is only driving me faster insane.

 

 

_Curious 'bout the company that you keep_

_Cause I hear you talking 'bout him in your sleep_

 

Since the night that Connor lashed out at me, things have gone back fairly normal. I woke up to Connor immediately apologizing to me and blaming it on some drama he was facing at work. It calmed my thoughts down and I feel at ease finally. I told him that if he ever wanted to talk about what was going on he should, because I don’t want him to bottle up his feelings to only burst later on. Because fights with Connor made me scared that I was going to lose him.

After we had that talk, all I hear about is the drama that is going on at work. I’m glad that I finally get to learn more about Connor’s other workers, something he never seemed to mention before.

“And I tried telling Andrea that it was only a misunderstanding but she didn’t believe me” Connor says to me over the dinner table. I smile over at him and admire his storytelling face. When he gets into things he’s talking about, it’s just so adorable and I never want him to stop. “I would just say fuck what she thinks then, because you know the truth.” I say back to him and he smile. He smiles a genuine smile that I honestly haven’t seen in quite a bit. A smile that I have grown to miss so badly, because it was a smile that was so contagious. “Yeah, that’s the same things Jacob said” I notice that that’s the first time he ever mentioned a Jacob so I feel the need to question him about his new friend. “Oh, Jacob? Is he new” and I can see that at the mention of him Connor’s smile grows a little more. His eyes also start to shine a bit and I look away. I look at the floor because my thoughts are telling me things I don’t want to hear.

“No, I actually helped Jacob train a while back” he replies, with awkward silence only filling the air between us afterwards. When I look back at Connor I notice that he’s looking at me with concern.

“So how about a Netflix kind of night?” I ask clearing my throat.

“Sure things Troye boy”

I smile a bit because that’s what he called me when we first met in Middle School. This makes me feel like maybe everything is alright and it is my imagination. Nothing could be better than that, so I grab his hand and pull him over to the couch and immediately lay in front of him to get in our spooning positions.

Putting on the first movie I could find, which was Finding Nemo. We talk the whole time during the movie, about how we met, how we became best friends and even how we fell in love. Toward the middle of the movie all I can do is smile at Connor and I notice that we’re both close to tears.

“It feels like we’re meeting for the first time all over again.” Connor randomly announces and that takes me by surprise a bit. “Yeah?” I look at his eyes and I can see that theirs still tears coming out. I wipe them away as he wipes mine, that were coming out much slower than his off my cheek. “

Yeah” he smiles as he slips his hand around my waist and closes his eyes to sleep.

I fall asleep listening to the slight thump of his heart and the heat that’s radiating off him. When I wake up I notice that the movie finished and it was only an hour from when we fell asleep. I look at Connor and see that he’s still calmly sound asleep with tear stains on his cheek and try to contemplate if I really needed to go to the bathroom bad enough to wake him up.

I try sliding out, but his grip on my waist is too snug to get out of without waking him up. “

huh? Where are you going Jacob?” I felt time freeze. I felt my body freeze. And for the first time I felt my mind freeze.

“No where” I say as I wipe at my face and start walking off to our room. My bladder long forgotten about. When I get into my room my thoughts unpause and start going at a rapid pace. I crawl into his side of the bed just to feel a little more comfy in the big empty, cold bed.

Why did he call him Jacob? Why did he smile that way when he talked about him? Why am I just now realizing that Connor wasn’t crying happy tears like I was, but instead was crying tears that seemed to actually be sad? Why did I actually start to believe that me and my beautiful boy was actually okay again?

 

 

_And now you've got me talking 'bout him in mine_

 

Anger. Sadness. That’s all I’ve been feeling and it’s getting worse. My thoughts have gotten louder and it becoming unbearable. I never mentioned to Connor what happened that night and Connor seems to not have any clue. Yet all I can think about is that night. Even a week later, now, and I still can’t get Connor’s loving smile as he talked about Jacob out of my mind.

Right now I’m laying alone waiting for Connor to get home. It isn’t until 6am that I feel Connor slipping back into bed. He’s never usually this late and I’m feeling like I’m going to burst. Only half awake I slip out “Who’s Jacob?”

Everything freezes. I immediately want to suck the words back up, but I can’t. Connor chooses to ignore the words and I chose to ignore them too. I lay fully awake now, but only because the big space between me and Connor.

 

 

_Ooh, and I bet he has it all, bet he's beautiful like you, like you_

_And I bet he's got that touch, makes you fall in love like you, like you_

 

It’s been a day since I let my thoughts slip out. Neither us of ever mentioned it, but I think he knows that I haven’t stopped thinking about it. Maybe that’s why he chose to call off today and spend it with me. Maybe that’s also why he’s currently nibbling on my neck.

“Con..” I moan. I’m trying to warn him that if he goes any further then this than there is no going back. Connor doesn’t seem to care, in fact it seems to urge him to go farther. He starts sucking harder on my sweet spot and I moan even loader than before. This seems to do it for him and he puts me on my back and gets on top of me as he slowly undresses me.

I know that I should be grateful that we are about to have sex for the first time since my crazy thoughts, but that doesn’t put them to an end. Because all I can think about is Connor making someone moan. Making someone’s toes curl as they tug on the same brown hair that Troye is grabbing right now.

I also wonder if he’s as beautiful as Connor. I wonder if Jacob has the same touch Connor has. The touch where it feels like fire and also falling in love all over again. And that’s all I can think about when I realize that Connor is grabbing lube and a condom. So I try to look up and not show Connor that my eyes are watering. I look up so that I don’t have to see Connor’s face as he fucks me. Because I know that if I do, it’ll be all I can think about him doing with another beautiful boy.

 

 

 

_I can taste his lips and see him laying across your chest_

_I can feel the distance every time you remember his fingertips_

_Maybe I should be more like him_

_Maybe I should be more like him_

 

I open my eyes and see the bright sun shining through the window. I immediately look to the right and notice that he’s also up.

“Hi Tro” he whispers as he looks at me with gentle eyes. I reach across toward his face and give a little kiss, but I notice he backs away a little.

I want to ignore it and blame it on my mind, like I always do, but just looking at his eyes I can tell he’s not thinking about me.

He’s thinking about him. Even after the night we just had.

I’m starting to think that maybe, maybe I should be more like Jacob, because I need Connor to stay.

 

 

_Maybe I should be more like him_

_I can taste his lips, it's like I'm kissing him, too_

_Ay, he’s perfect_

 

I’m starting to grow use to this new taste on Connor’s lips and I know it’s not a good things. I want to mention this perfect boy Connor has been going out at night to see but I can’t bring myself to mention it. I don’t mention it because I know that if I did, this would come to an end. Frankly, I would rather just live with Jacob’s taste. I’m coming to realize I will never be better than the boy.

 

_How does he touch you? Can I try it, too?_  
_I know you're twisted, but baby, I'm twisted, too_  
_I wanna know if he can make a man lose his mind_

 

“Connor, fuck me harder!” I scream as I feel his thrusts speed up a little at my words. I whine and moan loudly at the pleasure he’s bringing me by repeatedly hitting my spot. Inside my mind I know what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to make him forget about the other boy. I want him to lose his mind.

With that in mind I fuck back on each thrust making each one more powerful. “Fuck Troye you feel so fucking good” he moans looking down at my big blue eyes that are peering up at him.

 

 

_With the smell of his cologne, I could love him, too, like you, like you_  
_And I can almost hear his laugh, curving on his back for you, for you_

 

"Come please Con" I whine. All that surrounds me is the smell of someone that i'm no longer familiar with.

With that I feel him finishing off inside me. He doesn't stop thrusting until I come, which is only shortly after him. When I release, my back arches and I spill all over my tummy. All that flashes in my mind this seconds is how I'm not the only one who feels this with Connor. I'm not the only one who gets the pleasure of loving a beautiful, beautiful boy.

__

 

_I can see his body rushing into you, crushing on your skin_

_Burning within, burning so deep, deep on your skin, skin next to me_

_he's crushing on your skin, settling in Burning so deep, deep on your skin, skin while you're sleeping_

 

Immediately he pulls out of me. My mind continuing to show clips of Connor making love to another. I try reaching out to him, to just touch his warm skin.

"I love you so much" I whisper to test my limits.

Instead of responding he lays farther from me. He can't even look me in the eye. He doesn't want to be near me. He doesn't love me.

"Get out" I say quietly.

I see Connor looking at me to see if I was joking or really telling him to leave.

"I said get the fuck out!" I yell at him again. This time I can tell that he knows I'm not joking.

"Why didn't you fucking say anything before this Troye? Did you not care knowing that I was seeing somebody else? Why have you been choosing to ignore it for this long?!" He yells back at me.

I immediately freeze. I sit up and try to calm my mind. “It’s because I couldn't lose you” I whisper back.

“You’re losing me by not saying anything, Troye!” he yells back.

I feel my throat closing up and all the anger I have pent up starting to seep out. “I realize that now, after you fucked me but then can't even look me in the eyes. You can't even touch me without thinking about him! Maybe I didn't fucking say anything because I know he’s perfect! I know he’s fucking perfect because I can see it in your eyes every time you’re fucking me! Every time you’re imagining it’s him instead of me. Every time your eyes light up when you say his name! Every time you go out of your way for him. Every time you fucking leave me in the middle of the night! And I didn't want to lose you!”

At that I can tell Connor can tell how much I’ve been thinking about it. How much I do really care.

“Why?” I ask. “Why do you have to fall for another beautiful boy? Someone I can’t compete with? Why couldn’t you just fucking make this easy for me!?” I scream, realizing I’m fully in tears. "Why did it take me this long to realize you don't love me anymore?" I shakily whisper.

“It’s because I’ve been with you and only you for forever Troye! I got curious and a pretty boy like Jacob was offering himself so I took the chance. I took it multiple times I got hooked Troye! And I tried to stop myself, I tried to make myself realize that I am meant for you, but every time I come home to you all I can think about is him. It’s been eating up my mind. Why haven’t you fucking said any-“

“Get the fuck out Connor! Go back to you perfect boy!” I scream. “The nerve you fucking have to blame me for your stupid actions? Get the fuck out!” I start to push him out the door and I realize that I don’t even need to because his feet are moving him out the door himself.

When he finally closes the door I lay back in bed and curl myself up. I lost my beautiful boy.

It took me this long to realize that I just can't ignore it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY. OKAY. I literally just spewed this all out and I haven't reread so there might be mistakes.  
> I hope you enjoyed it and if you did please share it.  
> This has nothing to do with how I really think their relationship is, its fiction. I just got really inspired by listening to Selena's heartbreaking song.  
> Here are places to reach me  
> Twitter: @fondtroye  
> Tumblr: sleepynbhd  
> If you have any questions I would prefer them on tumblr.  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Update:  
> ALSO I wrote this before anyone named Jacob came into the mix,, so I guess I just happened to guess a name?! Weird


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